Hey Guys,

Oh gosh, where do I begin?? On Saturday this week, Landon and I woke up that morning and called the nicu to check on Parker like we do every morning before we get there. April, one of our favorite nurses on day shift had him that morning. She said oh he's doing wonderful, gave me a few more details and I ended the conversation telling her I would see her later on in the day because we had some friends coming to visit. Our friends Kane and Heather came to visit us right after that, we sat at the apartment and talked with them for a while, showed them some pictures of Parker and after a few hours they left on their way back home. After they left I called back to the nicu to ask April how much breast milk he had, and did I need to bring more. Also to tell her we would be there when they opened back up. Parker had still been having some trouble pooping and she said he was dropping his heart rate a lot and she thought he might just be bearing down to poop so she would give him a laxative and see if that helped. At this point she wasn't worried, so neither was I. At 1:30p.m. when they opened back up we were there waiting, we rang the door bell and told them we were the parents of Parker Daniel, we got a delayed response, and the lady that answered just told us to hang on a second. We had never been told that before and I knew immediately that something was wrong. About 3 minutes later(however it seemed like an eternity) she came to the door and asked us to wait in the chapel. I just went to pieces crying and asking her what was wrong with our baby, both Landon and I honestly thought they were going to come and tell us he had died. It was awful. She didn't know and just kept repeating over and over that she understood and that she would sent someone to talk to us, well I didn't want her to keep telling me that I wanted her to physically go right then and get someone to come and tell me why we were to wait in the chapel, so I told her to GO RIGHT NOW! to get someone to come talk to us. She went and soon Dr. Graham came to talk with us. At this point he wasn't just real concerned but said that in that last hour Parker had started to drop his heart rate and his oxygen saturation and his color was looking somewhat pale, so they were going to draw some blood and go from there. He then went off to see about Parker. April his nurse then came in there and gave me a big hug and apologized for asking the secretary to put us in the chapel, she said I know it scared you. It had just all happened so fast and she knew we were on our way and hadn't had time to call us, and so that's the only place she had to tell us to go at the time. We sat in that chapel forever, and then Dr. Graham came back and said he might have to put him back on the ventilator if he didn't stop dropping his heart rate, he said it appears to be either a viral infection or a bacterial infection and we don't really know yet. He left back out and said when they got through working with him we could go see him. During this time, Parker's little sweet neighbor Piper, well her mom Marnie, came and sat with us the whole time we were waiting and worrying, it was so nice to have someone who absolutely knows what we are going through being there for support. After about another hour the nurse came and told us we could come back to see him. When we walked back there to him, I just about started to vomit, literally, he looked so very bad, he was just laying there limp in Dr. Rojas' hands, he appeared to be asleep but the color of his skin was so white, gray and pale, I could see all the veins in his body, and he looked dead. Dr. Rojas told me I could touch him, so I briefly put my hands on his head and body, and told him how much I loved him and encouraged him to keep fighting. While all this was going on there were about 10 people in his room rushing all around and Dr. Rojas explained that they were putting him back on the ventilator to breathe for him, and that they were also going to put in a picc line(a heavy duty iv, that goes into the vein up close to the heart)b/c he was not circulating blood well and they couldn't get an iv. After this little bit of info, he said he is a very sick little boy, he was having to constantly prod at Parker by this time just to stimulate him to keep breathing and to keep his heart rate up. Then they made us step back out. We went back to the chapel and Landon thank God was still holding up very well b/c I just lost it. Due to my nursing background, one look at that poor little thing and I knew he was not well at all. Piper's mom came back in the chapel and sat and talked to us, it was great she did, b/c it helped to sort of take our mind off what was going on just a few rooms away. This time we sat in the chapel for about 2 hours, finally they came back and told us that we could come back again. We went back and there was our sweet baby, looking almost like the day he arrived. Back on the ventilator, and iv in his leg, the picc line in his arm, and he was just lifeless, and pale. It was horrible, we talked to him and talked to him, just telling him over and over how much we loved him and telling him to just keep fighting. The Dr. explained that he was in septic(infection in the bloodstream)shock and that it was very serious, and they were starting him on antibiotics. They also drew a blood culture that will hopefully let us know what kind infection we are dealing with so they can treat it properly. They think it's a bacteria called Group B Step, but are not for sure. After all of this happened, he was not profusing very good, this means his circulation was bad b/c when the body is stressed, it sends blood to the brain, and heart first b/c they are most important, so most of the rest of his body wasn't getting as much blood flow as it needed and his skin was all purple and white, he just looked so pitiful. Also apparently when you have an infection and you start on antibiotics as they start to break down the infection, they create toxins and for preemies being loaded with toxins in your body its bad. So the Dr. said the main thing was keeping him alive during this critical time that his body is trying to get rid of these toxins. Parker then had a spinal tap, and that has come back that he also has bacterial meningitis, this is infection in the fluid surrounding the brain, and in the spinal cord. Also the lining of the brain gets inflamed. So due to the meningitis, he then started having seizures. Yesterday he had a seizure about every 5 minutes for a while, they ordered a medicine to calm him down, and one for the seizures and it got somewhat better. They didn't completely stop until around 8:30 last night. Well today has been a better day, his color is better. When all of this began his white blood cell count, which is what fights off infection was only 1400, and he is suppose to have 10,000. Today they had went up to over 10,000. He is oxygenating better and hasn't been dropping his heart rate. The thing now is to just let these antibiotics run their course and get rid of all this mess. I'm scared to even say he's doing better today b/c every time we think he is doing good, something horrible happens. It's just so hard. When they tell you it is a roller coaster ride, it's really not just something they tell you, it is so so so true. On Saturday, I was just an emotional wreck and good for nothing and Landon held up and held it together. Yesterday, I was better and Landon had a really hard day. Today we are both doing a lot better, so I guess it's good we are taking turns. Seeing him laying there so pale and limp just tore me up, but yesterday those seizures really were getting the best of Landon, he would just stand at his bedside and hold his hands and his head and body during all of them and they were just tearing him up. It's been a really hard few days, Landon's mother and dad have been here with us, and my mom came and spent one night and it helped having them here but we need all your continued prayers and encouragement. Parker is doing better but is by no means out of the woods. All we can do is pray and think positive and have faith that he is going to get better and he is going to eventually come home with us. We love him so much and he just has to!!